HI! I do hope you had a fairly good week, the weekend turned out to be pretty nice. Enjoy it before the rain hits again.
Now, I wrote this a long time ago, maybe a month or so, but I shut my desktop off, and my old job’s laptop is acting screwy. I type and suddenly the cursor jumps back and I am cutting words off and typing into them. Weird!
So I turned desktop on. Love the keyboard. Call me old fashion, but the big keys and the fact that I feel them submit under my touch…I can’t deny it I am loving it. (I actually have a very old fashioned typewriter, with the circle buttons on loooong metal bars and the loud bling when I get to the end of the line… love it)
When I wrote this I had a crappy day and had no one to talk to. Funny when I need to talk, I don’t know whom could I call and bore them with my crazy thoughts. So guess what! I try to write them down and bore you all you death, since you did decide to read me. (Bad decision)
SO here it goes!
I had a crappy day, no one sweet to talk to, as I really hoped tonight, so I shall treat myself to a drink and bury myself in words colored in purple ink. I love fountain pens, tonight purple will sooth me; the other colors just have to wait for their turn.
Why did I have a crappy day? Eh! It could be the fact that I deal with drivers who work hard, but no offense they are so dumb sometimes. The they laugh into your face, and when I do point it out and sit their asses down, and show them with gloved hands how dumb they are, and they suddenly call you their sweetheart…well yeah, it can get to you. But tonight I took the shuttle, then the train and when I got to Bridgeport and was running to catch the bus and she was just looking at me with a grin as she drove off…it just added to my crappy day. Then the ONE thing that I was looking forward to, seeing this amazing woman that I adore, and she texted me that she won’t stop by…well let me just say…. The rain pouring on me, without a jacket…looking like a sad fat rat in water…. Just totally broke me down. So I walked and walked, my breath was like fire being spit from the dragon’s mouth. My teeth were as loud as a wind chime; my jeans were glued to my legs airtight. My cap totally soaked. I think if someone would have hit me in the head or shot me I would turn and thank them with a smile, as I would collapse. So as I turned to my street I stopped. I stopped for a sec mentally and physically. I went to my own place in my heart and smiled. So with every step I decided to think of something nice. Not easy, but I did it.
I walked into the house, took my clothes off, peeled them off, ate and got me a drink, or two or three… or I can’t lie to you I got the darn bottle ready. So I popped in this movie I never heard off and I figured I just enjoy it. So my thoughts followed like this.
Relationships! Of any kind, are not easy my friends.
Family! Well you didn’t choose them; you have to “love” them, no matter what. Even if it is just cause they are obligatory family members, you are supposed to show some sort of …. Something.
Friends! You have the choice to choose them. Even when they choose you, you can make a conscious choice.
Sexual partners! You have a choice, but it is more so controlled by physical needs, stimulated by chemical desires, maybe some mental, emotional release, teased by external stimulus. Also they come and go.
We always find reasons, meanings for things/events that happen to us. I am sure you all heard them all:
A) Lesson learned
B) Some are in our lives for a minute/season..etc blah
C) It’s not you , it’s me
D) Just not into you
E) Have to give my ex’s another chance
F) Stopped taking my medication = I am crazy
G) I love you, I just can’t have you, nor anyone else
H) The devil inside, the devil inside…lol and I could go on J
I) You are too good for me
J) You deserve better then me….blah blah blah blah
Women write poems about love, sensuality, and emotions who knows how many levels of connections. They write erotica, to the point where their words massage my brain as it was my clit and I would actually have a mental orgasm. Cause sure as Hell, I haven’t been with a woman in years, who can make me cum physically. Not their fault, it has been ages since my mind and body was turned on at the same time.
Let’s see! Guys! Butches! Bois! How do you look at dating women?
1. Date women who are safe, not to hot for fear of being dumped, but definitely fuckable with the possibility/hope of constant relationship. SAFETY.
2. we look at good times with a woman, to outweigh the bad times
3. Wondering why do I feel like dying inside, if I am so damn good, as she said…?!
4. We recover, but not get over it….remember when I carved your name in my arm with a double sided razor blade? Erika! Ah!
We can be called dogs, but you know damn well women, created us. We give up being romantic, cause we get laughed at, cheated on, our hearts on their sleeves. Yeah! We recover, but never getting over it.
We are AFRAID! Afraid of not getting our hearts broken again.
Best Defense is Offense… isn’t it?
So we do it though!
We do it anyway. Once you get hurt, there is never going back to that innocent place ever again.
We cheat. We do it. We all do it. One time or another.
We know our actions will hurt someone, wife, kids, girlfriend, family… etc. but we do it anyway.
The grass seems nice here, but on the other side it is better, softer. We forget to look down and see the beauty we stand on. We have.
Chick drama!
11th man theory! You ask what that is. 10 men and 1 woman in the room. They all cater to this 1 woman, then the 11th man walks in, which couldn’t care less. BAM! GAME ON! SHE WANTS THE 11th one.
Wow. If we treat a woman nice, it doesn’t mean I am weak or boring.
Every woman wants a bad Boi! Treats them bad and then women complain…. GOD! Is there a solution to this madness?
Women complain, cry that are treated bad, but they won’t dump them because they love their “man”…lol bullshit.
So then it goes through our minds…wait if I make a truck load of money, maybe then women will love me, want me. So what if I buy physical pleasure. I have done it in the past, and let me tell you it was more expensive then paying a professional hooker. Damn maybe then I would have gotten an orgasm at least… lol
Rich to buy physical pleasure needs vs. emotions, intellectuality.
Being blown by Angelina Jolie, while reading Dostoievski.
Or date women who are far beneath you, still you get dumped.
So when you, I, we do all these, explore them… we are trying to find that one person and be monogamous…wait do we even know what that means? I mean we play this game…. We get wrapped up in the game….everybody men and women get soo busy to do this “dance” at the END ZONE, that we forget the biggest picture of all. Why are we down 10 points?
It is not the X generation or the Y generation it is the “ME” generation. New Me Generation.
We can all be assholes… but it takes a “man” strength to be a “man”.
God! What am I talking about?
The love I had in my heart for a few women, still do, will turn me into an angry, women-hating person. “She hating women club!”
Argh! Mr. Right Now! You heard it. The best way to get over someone is to get Under someone else. Bullshit.
Called “serves” in other words reserves. Do you have any?
Women! They hear this “Always be there!” No such thing. Doesn’t exist. Key to a woman’s heartbreak.
The only Always is the fact that everything ALWAYS changes.
So then I ask you, what is better to be dumped or be the dumpier?
Thoughts of a dumpy person:
a) Did I do the right thing?
b) I have to live with my decision
Thoughts of a dumped person:
a) What did I do? Over and over and over again
b) Could I have been better?
c) Maybe if I try harder
Is it true that women are genetically programmed to lie?
Reasons:
a) to make the other person feel better
b) Insecurities of men (we always want to know if you slept with another man or woman, then we eat ourselves to death)
The truth is women do this, cause we can not handle the truth.
Women are amazing. Women will get the person they want once they get the Boi/Guy etc. in their site. She will circle you and they will make their move and to top it, she will let us think we made the first move.
Genius.
LOVE. Does love have anything to do with relationships these days?
Does GAME beat LOVE?
I LOVE YOU! Is it simple? You say it and se it soo many times. Does it mean anything? Is it too much? Not enough?
Do we know what it really IS?
Well here it is. I heard this and I find it so … ok read it
It is a one way streak, going from you out and you give it because it makes you feel good, to give it. Because when you give it makes you feel strong in a crazy, vulnerable, out of control scary feeling, feeling that most people think it is lost. It is not really love at all, it is the need to be loved and believe me, it is a very different thing. Real love is not I LOVE YOU and hoping the other person says I LOVE YOU back. It is just I LOVE YOU, it’s like giving a gift on X-mas and if you get anything back it is a bonus, it’s extra, you shouldn’t need to receive it. Cause the true strength is in the GIVING of it.
I love you:
-even if you are not with me
-even if you don’t talk to me
-even if you gain weight
-even if you move to a different state
-even if I never see you again
I LOVE YOU.
